Surviving Infidelity in Marriage - What Good Is Your Cheating Spouse's Apology?

a really good surviving infidelity article from Anna-Sophia

Surviving infidelity in marriage is something that requires work and effort from both parties involved.
The injured partner needs to forgive the cheating spouse, but this is usually contingent on actions and gestures from the cheating spouse. In most cases, all the injured spouse wants is a truly remorseful, heartfelt apology from the cheating partner.
If your partner has cheated and, as far as you can tell, he/she is not being apologetic, this can feel like salt in your wounds:
-"Why doesn't he get it, when it seems so obvious to me?!"
-"It is really annoying that she just can't seem to be remorseful or to ask me for forgiveness!"
-"How can we move forward in this marriage if he continues to hurt me by being so oblivious to what he's done?"
Now, you may think that the underlying notes of an authentic apology may have a profound impact on your marriage and your recovery. However, you should know that there may be some feelings you may have which may cause your need to hear an apology. For example, verbalization of an apology may be viewed as:

• Validation in your mind of the disappointment and the agony you may be feeling;
• An acknowledgment by your spouse of the pain you feel;
• Admission of his/her culpability and contribution to your current feelings;
• Recognition by your spouse of how he/she has single-handedly dealt a potentially fatal blow to your marriage and everything that you both have held so dear.

As a result, until the words of apology are uttered by the cheating spouse you will probably feel very much the victim and may feel stuck in a limbo - wanting so desperately to move on but thinking that you may be unable to do so because of the heavy importance you have placed on hearing an apology and a request for forgiveness.
This is something that you really need to think about in depth. It may become necessary to challenge your perceptions and your definitions - you may inadvertently be putting roadblocks which actually prevent you from moving forward. And surviving infidelity in marriage is difficult enough! All you need to do is assess just how much importance you are placing on your cheating spouse's apology - sometimes, simply redefining your own ideas is a major breakthrough in moving forward so that you can rebuild your marriage after infidelity.

Moving on and overcoming infidelity can be very difficult for a couple trying to repair a marriage, particularly the injured partner. But you can move on with recovering from infidelity just by making simple changes in your perspectives and by re-assessing how important you think your spouse's request for forgiveness is.
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Survive Infidelity And Save Your Marriage!

A really great article on how to survive infidelity and save your marriage, you can do it. If you really want to.

How to Survive Infidelity in Marriage - 4 Tips to Get You Through

Did you just discover your spouse has been unfaithful? Are you afraid that nothing will be able to help you through this? Unfortunately, there are many people who have gone through the same situation. But, the good news is that it is possible to get through it and make your marriage stronger. If you are wondering how to survive infidelity in marriage, read on for some helpful tips.

Tip #1: Spend more time together. Often the cause of an affair starting in the first place is because partners don't spend enough time together, so one of them finds someone who will give them attention. Once the affair is over and you are working on surviving infidelity, make time to be with your spouse every week. This means time that is undivided - not when the kids are busy running around or the TV is on. Go out for dinner, do an activity together like when you were dating, or just sit and talk for an hour. Consider this time an investment into your relationship and schedule it into your planners so it's a priority and you don't forget.

Tip #2: Stop causing each other pain. Many couples are unaware that they are causing their spouse to be unhappy. If one or both of you are engaging in behaviors like dishonesty, being selfish or disrespectful, anger outbursts, or even have habits that annoy the other, it could be pulling you apart. When you are learning how to survive infidelity in marriage, you will both need to recognize and end these behaviors in yourself. Only when you stop causing each other pain, can you begin to make each other happy.

Tip #3: Be completely honest about everything. This is a tip that most people would agree with, but have a hard time putting into practice. They may think that a few white lies won't hurt anyone and may even protect the other one. However, dishonesty is not a solution that works in the long-term. Both of you have to be upfront and completely honest about all your feelings and emotions, your past actions, your daily activities, and your future plans and dreams. Only when ALL of these issues are out in the open can you begin to survive infidelity in marriage.

Tip #4: Meet your spouse's emotional needs. Each person has specific needs that must be fulfilled in order to be happy. When you were first in love, you probably worked really hard to meet each other's needs. But as time goes on in a marriage, we often neglect the other spouse's needs and focus on our own or our children's. When one spouse is feeling unhappy, they may look to get their needs met with someone else. After the affair has ended, each of you must work on focusing on what the other one needs emotionally. These may include affection, conversation, admiration, companionship, commitment to family, and sexual fulfillment. Have a conversation with your spouse about what their most important emotional needs are and then look for ways you can fill that need.

As you are beginning to learn how to survive infidelity in marriage, it is important that you receive the support you need. You may want to look into marital counseling, support groups, or even websites that will provide you with more information.

One great marriage resource can be found at this Surviving Infidelity [http://www.saving-my-marriage.com/reviews.html] page. It has many useful links to more information about surviving infidelity in marriage, as well as a FREE E-course, "7 Tips for Surviving Infidelity in Marriage" - just for visiting! Take advantage of this offer and visit Saving My Marriage [http://www.saving-my-marriage.com/reviews.html] Today!

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