Surviving Infidelity in Marriage - What Good Is Your Cheating Spouse's Apology?

a really good surviving infidelity article from Anna-Sophia

Surviving infidelity in marriage is something that requires work and effort from both parties involved.
The injured partner needs to forgive the cheating spouse, but this is usually contingent on actions and gestures from the cheating spouse. In most cases, all the injured spouse wants is a truly remorseful, heartfelt apology from the cheating partner.
If your partner has cheated and, as far as you can tell, he/she is not being apologetic, this can feel like salt in your wounds:
-"Why doesn't he get it, when it seems so obvious to me?!"
-"It is really annoying that she just can't seem to be remorseful or to ask me for forgiveness!"
-"How can we move forward in this marriage if he continues to hurt me by being so oblivious to what he's done?"
Now, you may think that the underlying notes of an authentic apology may have a profound impact on your marriage and your recovery. However, you should know that there may be some feelings you may have which may cause your need to hear an apology. For example, verbalization of an apology may be viewed as:

• Validation in your mind of the disappointment and the agony you may be feeling;
• An acknowledgment by your spouse of the pain you feel;
• Admission of his/her culpability and contribution to your current feelings;
• Recognition by your spouse of how he/she has single-handedly dealt a potentially fatal blow to your marriage and everything that you both have held so dear.

As a result, until the words of apology are uttered by the cheating spouse you will probably feel very much the victim and may feel stuck in a limbo - wanting so desperately to move on but thinking that you may be unable to do so because of the heavy importance you have placed on hearing an apology and a request for forgiveness.
This is something that you really need to think about in depth. It may become necessary to challenge your perceptions and your definitions - you may inadvertently be putting roadblocks which actually prevent you from moving forward. And surviving infidelity in marriage is difficult enough! All you need to do is assess just how much importance you are placing on your cheating spouse's apology - sometimes, simply redefining your own ideas is a major breakthrough in moving forward so that you can rebuild your marriage after infidelity.

Moving on and overcoming infidelity can be very difficult for a couple trying to repair a marriage, particularly the injured partner. But you can move on with recovering from infidelity just by making simple changes in your perspectives and by re-assessing how important you think your spouse's request for forgiveness is.
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