Marital Infidelity Recovery: 6 Reason NOT to Work on the Marriage

An extremely interesting article by infidelity expert, Dr. Robert Huizenga. The article covers, working on the relationship after an infidelity episode.

I often explain that "polarized couples" (one wants to 'talk it through' and the other hopes it 'goes away' for example) find their marriage grinding to a halt when they believe they must "work on the relationship?'
Here are some difficulties typically experienced when a couple commits to "working on the relationship:"
1. "Working on the relationship" often implies that each "should or must" act, feel and think particular ways to make their efforts successful. A "should" sets one up for failure and disappointment, for no one ever fully acts, thinks for feels as they "should." An atmosphere of effort and grinding it out permeates the couple. And, each holds his/her breath, as they both believe that failure follows the next interaction. Talk about pressure! I assume you want a different environment created in your relationship.
2. "Working on the relationship" for a huge percentage of the couples I encounter means being "nice," accommodating the other and being on your best behavior. Conflict is seen as a catastrophe. Such a strategy, in essence, obscures and clouds the truth. The truth, which sets a couple free, is relegated to the background and buried under the surface.
3. "Working on the Relationship" often means trying to find a "middle ground." There must be "something in common" that holds the couple together and make it better. Well, maybe there isn't any "common ground!" And, just maybe that is good. Perhaps the differences, the extremes, give the couple fire and passion and create, together, that which each, at one level, is looking for.
4. "Working on the relationship" often means working hard to meet the needs of the other. I "sacrifice" my needs, or at least put them on the back burner, and intentionally go about "making my partner happy" by attending to his/her needs. This may work for a period of time but resentment at some point emerges since one or both believe that the need meeting is not being reciprocated to the degree he/she would like.
5. "Working on the relationship" often is thwarted because there is not enough depth. Individual differences are not pursued with a curiosity and intensity that allows for maximum growth of the individual and therefore couple. "Issues" are not torn apart, looked at, marveled at, appreciated and seen as a resource for further self exploration and self disclosure.
6. "Working on the relationship" often comes up short because a couple easily reverts to old patterns. They begin to "swirl" in the old communication patterns and ways of thinking, feeling and acting. When lacking adequate exploration of differences and avoiding conflict the couple easily slides back into that which was familiar, not pleasant or comfortable, but certainly known territory.
I'm assuming you don't merely want to "work on" the relationship, but you want a total overhaul. After all, the infidelity crisis does provide a great opportunity to recreate and redesign the relationship, now that you are wiser.

About the Author
Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com

How To Tell If Your Wife Is Cheating

How To Tell If Your Wife Is Cheating And more Importantly How To stop Her Cheating!
By Simion Seru

First of all let’s look at the obvious tell tale signs, that your wife is cheating, there are lots of them, but I believe these to be the best.

1. Suddenly, she takes four hours to get ready instead of two!
This is one of the best signs, appearance! New hair style or much more regular visits to the hair salon, different perfume, new clothes, new underwear, has her nails done, etc,etc.

2. Nips out to the shop dressed immaculately and returns two hours later saying she met an old friend from years ago.

3. She panics when the phone rings.

4. Here’s a classic, less arguing at home, she doesn’t mind if you go out with the lads, she lets you do things at home where she always used to moan, nag and make a big deal about it.

Well, there’s just a few of the better cheating wife signs, obviously there are lots more. These signs do not mean your wife is definitely cheating, but I would start taking a close look at her actions and movements. Please don’t jump in screaming, only to find out you were wrong, this could be disastrous.

But what also interests me is how to stop infidelity.

How to stop your wife cheating in the first place.

Be a gentleman! Sounds really corny, but a lady likes to be fussed over, she has to feel loved and needed. Buy her some flowers, chocolates, take her out to dinner, to the cinema. These are things every husband or boyfriend should be doing on a regular basis, it doesn’t mean you have to go crazy, but once a week, or even once a month, make her feel special.

She needs to be your best friend, you need to talk regular about anything and everything, take more of an interest in the things your wife likes, every now and then do something around the house that you don’t normally do, like, collecting the washing, bathing the kids, you may already do these, but simply make a small effort to help out with things you don’t normally do.

If you are reading this article, you probably suspect your wife is cheating, know she’s cheating, or have been cheated on and don’t want it to happen again. It’s not nice and also the husband is normally the last to know when his wife has been cheating.

Simion Seru is an expert in cheating spouses, how to stop spouses cheating and how to survive infidelity. For help and great resources go to, How To tell If Your Wife Is Cheating

Surviving infidelity