Surviving Infidelity

There are many signs of infidelity, in the article below there are the 20 top signs of a cheating spouse.
Everybody is concerned with catching a cheating husband or a cheating wife and that's good, but once it's happened, then what? Surviving infidelity is a major event and shouldn't be taken lightly.

Michael
Surviving Infidelity

Article

Warning signs of infidelity can take many forms but if you know which signs to look for, it can make this difficult investigative journey a bit easier and definitely less expensive than hiring a private investigator. Infidelity can take many forms but usually begins as emotional infidelity and then progresses to sexual infidelity. A person's gut instinct is usually right, but if you notice any of the below top 20 warning signs of infidelity, the likelihood of your partner cheating becomes even more so. If you discover infidelity, be prepared with a master plan of action. Surviving infidelity is just as difficult as the discovery so make sure that you have a master plan of action as to how you will cope if infidelity is discovered.
Watch for the following top 20 infidelity signs:
1. Cheating spouse spends more time away from home. The cheater needs to spend more time with his love interest so they must make up more excuses to be away such as working late, unexplained errands and increased travel.
2. Cheating husband or wife has noticeable cell phone habit changes. The cheater doesn't answer their phone around you, turns the ringer off or takes longer than usual to call you back. If you have access to the cheating partner's cell phone bill, check for calls made during odd times or of long duration.
3. Cheater's clothes smell of alcohol, smoke, perfume or cologne.
4. Cheating spouse clears his computer history, utilizes free email accounts such as gmail, yahoo, hotmail, etc..., spends odd hours or unusually long times on the computer, changes screen display when you enter the room.
5. Cheater is not interested in sex as much.
6. Cheating husband or wife is unusually defensive or starts ignoring you.
7. Cheating spouse starts using cash more often.
8. Cheating spouse suddenly starts doing their own laundry or dropping off their own dry cleaning.
9. Cheating spouse has higher than usual car mileage.
10. Cheating husband or wife wants to travel and attend functions alone
11. Cheater has unexplained receipts in their car, wallet or desk.
12. Cheating spouse suddenly joins a gym, changes diet, gets a new hair style, starts visiting tanning salon, buys new clothes and/or lingerie.
13. They begin bathing or showering more frequently.
14. Cheating husband or wife asks about your schedule more often than usual.
15. Cheating spouse stops cuddling, kissing or holding hands.
16. Cheater may have new or unusual sexual requests.
17. Cheating spouse is always "too tired" for you.
18. The lose interest in domestic activities such as spending time with the kids, doing chores, etc... because they need this time for their affair.
19. Cheating husband or wife becomes unusually nice, brings you more gifts than usual and is more affectionate because of guilt feelings and time spent away.
20. Cheater starts finding fault in everything you do to justify the affair in their mind.
The discovery of infidelity does not necessarily mean the end of the relationship. Many couples have survived infidelity. If both partners still value the relationship and are willing to work at saving it through counseling, daily effort and increased communication, the chances of surviving infidelity become much greater.

The Author - Stephany Alexander is a relationship expert and CEO/Founder of WomanSavers.com - The World's Largest Database Rating Men. She holds a degree in Communications and is the author of the book Sex, Lies and the Internet

Marital Infidelity Recovery: 6 Reason NOT to Work on the Marriage

An extremely interesting article by infidelity expert, Dr. Robert Huizenga. The article covers, working on the relationship after an infidelity episode.

I often explain that "polarized couples" (one wants to 'talk it through' and the other hopes it 'goes away' for example) find their marriage grinding to a halt when they believe they must "work on the relationship?'
Here are some difficulties typically experienced when a couple commits to "working on the relationship:"
1. "Working on the relationship" often implies that each "should or must" act, feel and think particular ways to make their efforts successful. A "should" sets one up for failure and disappointment, for no one ever fully acts, thinks for feels as they "should." An atmosphere of effort and grinding it out permeates the couple. And, each holds his/her breath, as they both believe that failure follows the next interaction. Talk about pressure! I assume you want a different environment created in your relationship.
2. "Working on the relationship" for a huge percentage of the couples I encounter means being "nice," accommodating the other and being on your best behavior. Conflict is seen as a catastrophe. Such a strategy, in essence, obscures and clouds the truth. The truth, which sets a couple free, is relegated to the background and buried under the surface.
3. "Working on the Relationship" often means trying to find a "middle ground." There must be "something in common" that holds the couple together and make it better. Well, maybe there isn't any "common ground!" And, just maybe that is good. Perhaps the differences, the extremes, give the couple fire and passion and create, together, that which each, at one level, is looking for.
4. "Working on the relationship" often means working hard to meet the needs of the other. I "sacrifice" my needs, or at least put them on the back burner, and intentionally go about "making my partner happy" by attending to his/her needs. This may work for a period of time but resentment at some point emerges since one or both believe that the need meeting is not being reciprocated to the degree he/she would like.
5. "Working on the relationship" often is thwarted because there is not enough depth. Individual differences are not pursued with a curiosity and intensity that allows for maximum growth of the individual and therefore couple. "Issues" are not torn apart, looked at, marveled at, appreciated and seen as a resource for further self exploration and self disclosure.
6. "Working on the relationship" often comes up short because a couple easily reverts to old patterns. They begin to "swirl" in the old communication patterns and ways of thinking, feeling and acting. When lacking adequate exploration of differences and avoiding conflict the couple easily slides back into that which was familiar, not pleasant or comfortable, but certainly known territory.
I'm assuming you don't merely want to "work on" the relationship, but you want a total overhaul. After all, the infidelity crisis does provide a great opportunity to recreate and redesign the relationship, now that you are wiser.

About the Author
Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com